So I think I must be the worst blogger ever. OK maybe not the worst but of course I have
fallen into the pattern I think many new bloggers develop – getting off to a
good start and then trying to figure out how to find the time to make regular
posts. Well and then there’s this thing
calling living in Africa that makes it a bit challenging. Lack of reliable power and intermittent
internet access always provide me with a convenient excuse to procrastinate
writing a blog post. Yes I must say that
even though I know how to use a pencil and paper there is something not quite
right about drafting a blog post in the dark on paper (!) and then typing up
and posting when there is power again!
And I don’t feel like I can think without typing my stream of consciousness
as I go along. Of course this has
surprised me a bit that I am that dependent on technology to get something
done. That is a trait I generally have
associated with a crowd younger than myself.
Live and learn I guess!
The excuses kept coming.
On days when I wasn’t buying my own “living in Africa” excuse I had
others. I told myself that it has been
so long since I’ve posted anything so no one will really be interested anymore. However on my recent trip to the United
States I had so many people tell me how much they enjoy reading my blog and
seeing my posts on Facebook. I have more
followers than I realized who are truly interested in what I am seeing and
experiencing while I am living in Uganda.
Many times though I think to myself I don’t have time to be inside writing
about what I’m experiencing – I need to be out experiencing it!
You have to know though that blogging is not one of those
things that comes second nature to me. I
am not someone who has kept a journal for any regular amount of time. I have good intentions. You should see all the journals I have
started and then put to the side only to pick up months or even years
later. The problem is that I am
extremely extroverted and would rather be interacting with people and engaging
in conversation rather than conversing with my own thoughts. Honestly writing a blog for me is work! Like all extroverts I am energized by
engagement with people rather than by down time alone. While introverts can be energized by a time
of reflection and solitary activity, for me time spent doing something alone
does not recharge me. And here in Uganda
every day presents its own set of challenges that usually drains me before I
make it to the end of the day. I find it
takes a lot more effort to just get through the day here so I am constantly
seeking out more and more social interaction with people around me every day to
recharge rather than spending time writing or reading.
Once I got out of the habit of writing my blog it was hard
to motivate myself to get started back up again. Where to start – do I try to start where I
left off and fill in everything in between?
As every day passed the space grew from when I’d made the last blog post
and I knew I’d never be able to cover all that had happened in the past and
still keep up with the present. It
seemed to make sense that I would just start from where I am. But I still felt like something would be lost
if I didn’t somehow cover the in between.
This led me to contemplate the concept of time. In one of my earlier blogs (A Future that is
Not My Own) I wrote about the need to balance between worrying about the future
and living in the present. My observation
was about how much the culture and shape of society in Uganda forces a focus on
the present as compared with the way US culture and society tends to focus
people on the future. My point was that the
balance between planning for the future yet remaining in the present that is
important. But what about the balance between the past and the future? I think for people in the US, the tendency is
to discount the past more than the present or the future. In some ways it can be a helpful to have an
attitude of thinking that you can overcome an unfortunate history or bad
childhood or disastrous marriage or whatever past to have a successful
future. The American Dream is based on
just such a notion. But here in Uganda I
think the stories about the past are valued differently. The story of what someone has seen or
experienced is the source of great wisdom.
It is also tied up in the concept of age. Ugandans give great respect to those who are
older because of their experience. Their
past is not something to be overcome but to be valued.
This past Sunday in worship a college-aged intern worshiping
with me made a comment about the experiences of some of the older people
here. We were worshiping at a church in
Gulu located within a former refugee camp for people displaced in Northern
Uganda in the 1980s and 90s by the activities of the Lord’s Resistance Army. She was looking at a woman who must have been
somewhere in her 70s. The intern
commented that when she sees this woman who has reached that age in Uganda she
can’t imagine what all this woman has seen in her lifetime here. The reality is that she is right – she can’t
imagine it. This woman has tremendous
experience and wisdom from her lifetime of living which is recognized as
valuable to the community. It is tied up
in who she is and in her story.
This is why I think I didn’t want to leave out part of my
recent story. Something of great value
can be lost if we skip over some of our history. I thought if I didn’t record every last bit
of what I’ve experienced and seen over the last few months it would be
gone. But I think I forgot one vital
point. History is the past taken as a
whole and that whole resides in who I am and how I act in the present. I even made that very point this week. I had an opportunity to address the children
at Humble United Methodist Primary School on the occasion of the farewell
ceremony for the interns who had been working there for the last 8 weeks. I reminded the children that while they will
miss the interns after they have gone back to the US, they will always carry a
part of these two young women with them.
Their interactions and stories they created together are bound up in who
they are in the present and the future.
The whole of who they are includes a piece of their experience with
these interns.
So over the last few months I’ve been really busy. I spent two weeks focused on a crisis related
to a project with one of our US partners which kept me busy 24/7 and then off
for a two week vacation out of the country.
I returned to Uganda to spend a week to participate in the East Africa
Annual Conference (including a brief stint presiding over the Conference!) and
another week traveling in eastern Uganda visiting churches and communities in
rural areas. That left another week for
me to catch my breath before returning to the US for the North Georgia Annual
Conference and what was supposed to be only a three week trip. I ended up having an extra week in the US
because of a problem with my flight and difficulty by the airline rebooking my
return. Most recently I have been
involved with assisting two visiting interns in their last days in Uganda.
While you may not know all the details of what I have seen
and experienced over the last few months it is a part of me. No one will really know how my life and who I
am has been shaped by these experiences - as it is with anyone. How does this relate to the innate human need
to be known? Does it mean we can never really satisfy that need? Does it mean that we can never truly know
another? I think if we carry around an expectation that we want everyone we
encounter to fully understand us then we will be sorely disappointed. I think if we can modify our expectation to
hope that others are open to see how complex each person really is then we can
satisfy that need to be known. But I
think that is a topic for another blog.
As for the life lesson for myself on today’s topic, I have learned to trust that you will encounter my story in
the whole of who I am in the present and the future.
